It’s never been something I’ve said out loud
Because I don’t want to give you the impression that I need you
But I do.
I don’t want to be left with the chaos inside
Please just distract me from it with the joy of community
Let’s do something crazy or make a memory
Something I can keep locked up and open whenever I’m alone
So I can numb the pain I get when questions start to anchor me down like chains
. . .
“What meaning does your life have?”
“What even makes you distinct or different?”
“What can you even say you’re proud of doing? What have you accomplished?”
“Do you even know where your life is going?”
“Who are you ever going to make proud without them taking pity on you?”
And the questions go on…
. . .
So please don’t leave me alone
I will be the first to show up and the last to leave
I know its unfair to expect others to be the cure to my disorder
But in all honesty
I just want to feel like I mean something.
Because I don’t believe I do.
But I believe you do.
And I just hope that if I’m around people enough their meaning and potential and worth will rub off on me so I DON’T FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT MYSELF!
. . .
I usually feel good after I write
As if I’ve just let something bad out.
This is the first time I’ve felt worse after writing.
As if this kind of bad is stuck to me.
The Making of... 