More Stone

I always try to look my best

I always ask myself, “Is this too much?”

“Do I be less?”

I adjust the chemicals of my personality to be the perfect mixture

It doesn’t matter how you feel – look confident.

Be kind – but not weak

Show trust – but don’t show them where you bleed

And for fuck sake don’t show them what you need

Keep up the act – look strong

Keep acting like the man you want them to think you are.

. . .

I adjust my chemicals at will because I know I have what it takes

I can be all or nothing and everything in between

If it just means that I am seen

I will be the perfect mixture

Of gentle and giant

Spontaneous and decisive

The demanding loud and the listening quiet

I can be it all for you

If you will just see and love me…

I would bring you the world and lay it at your feet.

. . .

Oh no…

You silly boy – you’ve said too much.

Why did you drop your guard?

It’s time for you to sit down – and I will rise up and clean this mess

Don’t worry – that’s why I’m here – I will keep us safe.

Pay attention

Shoulders back – back straight

Own your space

Remember it’s a reward to give them your gaze

Speak slowly so they have to listen

If they interrupt – don’t stop – speak louder!

Be the one to end the conversation because there’s power in that,

You make that decision – not them.

YOU are not rejected – YOU reject THEM!

Because that says YOU. DO NOT. NEED. THEM!

SAY IT BACK TO ME!

. . .

…I don’t need them…

. . .

I’m here because I keep you going.

I’m here because you let them in and show them your heart’s need

When I come in it’s because they leave.

So sit down while I build a bigger wall

And paint on it a more convincing – attractive image – to convince them all

Of the self-sufficient fortress you are.

An image that makes them feel like they have to earn their entrance.

An image that makes them feel like they have to prove themselves.

I AM LOOKING OUT FOR YOU!

SO THEY DO NOT DESTROY WHAT LIES BEYOND THESE WALLS

IF THEY LEAVE AFTER YOU LET THEM IN – THEN FUCK EM!

YOU DON’T NEED THEM!

WE HAVE OURSELF!

WE ARE ENOUGH!

WE…

…are enough…

. . .

…but we’re not

We’re bleeding.

Because there is a hole that no stone can fill

I am searching for the day when my heart meets that other

And our bleeding fills up each other.

But if keep shoving rocks in my chest

It is inevitable for my arrest.